empty;

Lately, I've been resorting mostly to restricting.
It seems to be working, but no matter how much I lose I still hate myself.
The guy I've been seeing is much bigger than me, yet for some reason, my brain makes me feel like I'm the same size as him.
I feel so uncomfortable.
My swimming season ended 2 weeks ago, and I am taking a small break because I'm extremely burned out,
meaning I havent been burning near enough calories.
I always ALWAYS stay under 1000 calories a day, unless something goes horribly wrong.
Which hasnt happened lately, thank goodness.
Yesterday, I only had 300.
So far today, I've had puffed rice cereal with a little banana (1oo cal)
and coffee (30 cal)
The swim banquet is coming up, and I want to be 125 by then.
It is March 31
I think I can do it with a little support :]
I'm only going to have broccoli for lunch (25 cals ), and try to get out of dinner with my parents.
but if I can't, thats that.
I refuse to purge. I HATED purging. It made me feel so disgusting. It made me hate myself more than ever.
Unless you consider laxatives purging. I'm kinda addicted to them. I love the empty feeling.