Today, I had an epiphany.
Restricting is so hard for me because, somewhere in my subconcious, I know that I'm choosing to do this and that it is bad for me.
Today, things changed.
I have a new reason to restrict.
A reason that doesnt put the blame and guilt on my shoulders.
I made a sandwich for my mom yesterday, and it had cheddar cheese on it.
Today, my dad took out the cheese to make something.
It wasnt wrapped correctly.
He screamed at me for 20 minutes about it
asked me why I did it. I didnt know.
Told me I better come up with something quick.
Dont look down.
Dont cry.
Your just like your mother.
My dad is very much overweight,
he used to be an athlete but gave it up for a girl. Now he eats and eats and eats.
The cheese thing pissed me off so much,
to the point where I want to show him I dont need him.
I associate food with him now.
It disgusts me.
All i've had today is coffee and half a cucumber.
Everytime I think of food I get really pissed off.
And I blame it on HIM.
My mom then proceeded to call me lazy. gee thanks mom.
I'll show both of them.
I will.
How the hell is cheese not wrapped correctly?? i'd call that an overreaction if ever there was one.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have assholes for parents.
Why on Earth is cheese wrapping such a big deal? Go buy some more... It's not like you ruined it.
I hope things get better, hun. I really do.
xoxo
thank you
ReplyDeleteyes, my family is very wierd about food
and they wonder why I despise it so much!
its the root of all bad things in my family